I recently told my wife she should be happy I married her — I’m the perfect “10″. This seemed to surprise her just a bit. I explained that I am perfect 10% of the time. Let’s face it, we all put pressure on ourselves sometimes to be perfect. We all want to do things “just right”. There is a certain pride in accomplishment that just can’t be denied. We can be our own harshest critics. But nobody can be or should be perfect all the time. If you can be perfect 10% of the time, you are doing great! And the next time your spouse, a parent, your child or a friend criticizes you, just tell them they should be happy to have you – you are perfect 10% of the time. Courtesy: http://self-help.thehappyguy.com
This morning, my son was refusing to get ready for school. Usually, my husband gets him ready while I work in the kitchen. This morning, my husband got angry at my son and walked out saying he can’t ready him. My son has to start at 7.50 and me before 8, only then I can reach office by 9. I requested my husband not to be an ass, but he won’t listen. My son also was running around not listening to me. When my BP shot up, I shouted at both of them, especially my son (poor kids, you can get away with shouting at them, but not your husband). My son started crying and after some time my husband relented and came down to ready him. Anyway both of us were ready on time and before seeing my son off, I gave him a hug and kissed him. He asked me, “amma, why are you like this”? I asked him, “like what?”. “You scold me some time and other times you are sweet”. He really sounded confused. I told him “son, I am sweet when you behave and I am angry when you don’t. it’s very simple”.
Well, it was not that simple. I feel miserable that my mornings run ahead of me. I feel miserable I am not able to manage my work and my home together. The thing is I want everything to go smoothly according to my convenience. Whereas life is not that way. People have their own agenda which need not fit with yours. As told by Khalil Gibran in Lazarus and his Beloved “Everyone looks through everyone else to see someone else”. I have an expectation about my son’s behavior, I want him to behave in a way. But he is another human being with a different agenda. He does what he wants to do. And I get irritated because it is in conflict with my agenda for him. Most of our conflicts with other people are because they do not act according to our perception of how they should behave. Remember, they have a conflict with us because we don’t behave as they wish.
Whenever I heard about other women managing both home and job efficiently (my husband enjoys enlightening me ), I used to feel miserable. Why am I not able to do that? There was a time when my self-esteem was at rock bottom. When I sat and thought about it, I realized it is because I wanted an A+ in everything I do. That I wanted to be best in whatever I do. Then I decided enough is enough. I am not a super woman. I am not perfect. So what? There are many things which I can do better than some. I do what I can. That day onwards that burden of not being a perfect wife/mother etc. disappeared.
It is very difficult to be perfect in whatever you do. If you ask me, I would love to be perfect in whatever I do. However, I realize it is not possible. I end up a mess when I try to be perfect. These days I do whatever I do to the best of my ability. I don’t expect a perfect 10 in everything. I know I am not a perfect. But I do try to better myself every time I do something. Though doubt about my efficiency peeks out at times, majority of the times I am contented.
I guess this mullah story makes a perfect sign off:
There’s the story of Mullah Nasruddin, who was asked why he never married and answered, “I was looking for the perfect wife. I went to Damascus and met a wonderful woman but she had no spiritual side. Then I went to Cairo and met a woman who was deeply spiritual, but we didn’t communicate well. I went from place to place looking for the perfect woman, then finally I found her and she was beautiful and spiritual and we communicated well. She was perfect.” Then his friend asked why he didn’t marry her, and Mullah Nasruddin replied, “Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man!”.
Now you know why there are no perfect wives !